Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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