Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
