Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
