I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
