So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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