Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can't motorboat a personality
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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