1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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