the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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