I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
