ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
