I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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