3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
