Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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