Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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