Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
