do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
