We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
