So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
