I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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