If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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