I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
