OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
