your room smells of hookers.
And success
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
