My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
