That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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