Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
