we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize