There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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