i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
