I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
