Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
