so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
