he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
