tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
