But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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