She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
