The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
