What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize