when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
