No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
