You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We smell like vodka and hangover
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