check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
