My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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