you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
