I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
