Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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