I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize