watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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