Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
