Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
