Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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