it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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