Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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