i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
