We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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