I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
