Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
