so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
