I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
