she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
