We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
