So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
