I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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