i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
