I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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