You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
