I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
