Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
