yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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