There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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