I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
