i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
