did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
