he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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