Someone shit on the floor
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
