opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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