Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
