dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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