Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
