I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
