Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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