covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize